I met the friendliest cop last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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