hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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