I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
