I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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