We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
