rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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