I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
