worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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