How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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