Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
