my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
