You're so nebulous sometimes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
