the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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