So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your shirt... Was in my pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
