Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
