I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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