I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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