Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"