You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.