After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."