I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
