you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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