i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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