good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
