Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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