You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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