If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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