all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
