I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
