i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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