in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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