Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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