also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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