I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
