wakey wakey hands off snakey
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize