She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
