A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
