You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
