Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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