I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
