I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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