yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
