Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
