Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
