Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
