you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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