What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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