She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
