my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
