farters have to be the big spoon...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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