Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
