my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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