Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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