they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
