Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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