It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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