Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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