Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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