I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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