Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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