Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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