you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
