i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
