I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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