please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
