clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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