is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
