u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
only you would photoshop your dick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
