I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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