hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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