How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
