weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
