You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
