somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
