Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
