Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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