happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
