Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
