Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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