i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
