i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize