i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
