needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
