I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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