My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
